Since moving to Washington DC six years ago, my constant prayer has been to have thick skin and a soft heart.  I believe that it is worth the daily, if not hourly fight to keep this in its proper place- to not allow myself to live with fragile skin and a hard heart. 

But how do you seek a soft heart in the midst of a cutthroat city, in the midst of a broken world, in the midst of a social media culture?  And how do you maintain it?

Fight your inner critic.  I believe that the first battle to wage in the war for thick skin and a soft heart is against our own self.  Against the negative self-talk, against the negative assessment of your failings or shortcomings.  Partner with yourself, don’t stand in your own way.  You can push yourself to success all day long, but if you’re not content with what your heart wanted or needed in the first place have you really achieved much?  Identify the lies that have a grasp on your mind and heart and take steps to speak truth into those deepest parts.  You are worthy of goodness and no one can take that away.  You inherently deserve to be treated with respect and care; but it starts with your own self.

It starts with your own self.

Invest your time in what matters.  Take time to get to know your heart.  Take time to get to know your personality.  Take the time be comfortable being alone – to hear your thoughts and to understand them. Our culture tells us the opposite.  Social media is full of the highlights of everyone’s lives and the fear of missing out is real.  But freedom, peace, contentment comes when we take the time to invest in who we are and listen to our needs.  Invest in your heart.  Take the time to sing, to hike, to run, to read, to sail, to paint- whatever brings your inner-self out.  Take personality tests.  Takes ridiculous BuzzFeed Quizzes.  Get to know yourself!

Build community.  This is the advice that finally made Washington DC home for me.  Surround yourself with relationships that speak truth into your life – the people that will drop anything to pick you up off the floor – to call you out in your pride – to stand with you in your humility.  Trust them.  Be vulnerable with them.   Not everyone we meet or know will be this kind of people.  Some people we meet will be the ones who we hang out with at a party or who we know will be a good time – but the people who will dig in deep- they are worth every ounce of our attention and time.  They will be the ones who help keep your heart soft in a hard world.

The people who will dig in deep – they are worth every ounce of our attention and time.

Be Vulnerable. We are all putting together the broken and jagged pieces into something beautiful.  We are all stained glass.  It is worth letting the light shine through the most broken of our parts.  It is worth being human – it is important to be vulnerable – to continue to use your voice to let others in – to not allow your heart to grow calloused and fearful of being heard. It is when we stop being open about what is happening in our lives that we lose the fight – that we lose the connections to each other that allow us to grow, to heal, to be strong, to stay humble.

Overcome. The beauty of our humanity is that we are ever changing and ever growing.  You do not have to be the same person you were an hour ago, a day ago, a year ago.  It is your choice to overcome what you are facing, to choose to see the joy in all situations, or to allow the pain one more day, one more minute to teach our heart the reality of the broken world we live in or what we are leaving behind. 

Wage the war for your heart.