Sometimes Love Just Isn’t Enough

This saying may be one of the most damaging lies our society has sold to us.  We get our hearts broken or we feel less than and we choose to believe that we cannot open ourselves up to one more person who has the opportunity to hurt us- to know us.  That love cannot overcome the fears- the hurt- the rejection-the loneliness.

Let’s face it, we all have doubts about ourselves – call them insecurities, call them heartbreak, call them betrayals- they are real and they matter.  They are important.  They are significant. They shape us- our thoughts, our actions, our reactions, who we let love us, who we choose to love, what we choose to numb the hurt – but they do not end there.  They matter because they are what makes us human – perfectly imperfect.

I admit, I am no expert.  I have far from experienced some of the unfathomable hurts, heartbreaks, and betrayals that exist in this world.  This is by no means is meant to generalize the hurt, the pain- It is real!

As we live in a world that continues to highlight the divisions, the hurts, and the hatred – the lie that love isn’t enough is reinforced.  In our darkest moments as a society and as a world it is often easier to say that love isn’t enough.  But I once had a friend challenge me in that every time I make a comment about something not being enough- it more times than not is worth it, it is enough.  It is a defense mechanism, a lie to soothe.  A LIE. A coping mechanism; which is sometimes necessary in the face of the deepest hurts.  But at the end of the day it is still a lie and not what our hearts need.  Love is enough- in fact it is more.

Love is enough – in fact it is more.

Let me get personal.  I am a controlled person – I like to keep my emotions in check by logic and I do not open up easily.  I feel like I have to earn love- that I have to prove that I am worthy.  I have walked through health scares in which I have gone to sleep terrified that death would meet me when I closed my eyes.  That in those moments, I was alone.  I have died- several times- throughout my life because of a medical condition that wasn’t discovered until I was 25.  I walked through that life altering diagnosis.  I walked through and still do, the constant fear- the constant looks from people who know and treat me differently.  I have walked through the best of friends choosing jealousy and selfishness instead of celebrating the victories in life.  I have walked through breaking someone else’s heart and I have walked through watching someone I love move away.  I have walked through the heartbreak of someone else’s insecurities- fears- and not knowing what they wanted.

I am insecure.  I am constantly battling the thoughts of how do I earn love?  Am I enough? Can I be the person I need to be for others?  I am my own worst critic.  I live in the constant fear of letting people in and wanting so desperately to be known and understood.  I am scared of saying the wrong thing or that a single action will be the reason someone leaves- the reason someone chooses that I am not worthy of loving.  I am in a constant battle of being a woman in a man’s world – of having to be a different person at work -of extending a little less grace at work because I cannot be the woman who is emotional or who is a push over- but I cannot be just a more assertive me either- I have to balance it so that I am not the bitch.  I am learning to reconcile the two people I am forced to be in order to be taken seriously in this man’s world.  I hate walking into meetings where the men look at me differently, respect me less.  I am constantly avoiding the sexual comments or even trying to laugh off the overt sex talk because it’s the boys club.  And these all just barely scratch the surface of the cuts that shape me. The cuts and circumstances that make me cry in the middle of the night – but they all shape my view of myself.  They are the voices in my head that feed the lies that I am not enough- that the next guy will also play games with my heart.  And I can tell you that the hardest part about walking through a breakup (may it be a friend or a significant other) isn’t the grieving of that person not being in your life anymore or the feeling of rejection – because let’s face it; it was their loss- but it is the impact that person continues to have even when they are gone.  That even when someone in our lives hurts us and is no longer in a position to do it again-they still have ramifications on how we move forward.  Their hurts cause us to think differently – choose to be more insecure- fear love- react to things we wouldn’t have before and it becomes easy to in the face of all the hurt-of all the influences- to believe the lies – to believe that love isn’t enough.  That love cannot heal because it was what hurt the first time. That love isn’t going to touch the deepest of cuts or make us worthy.

But those are lies. Its time for our culture to recognize that absolutes do exist.  That love is more than enough.  In the midst of the fear – love is worth it.  Love is a healer.  Love is vulnerable – but it does not hate.  Love is choosing others or even ourselves.  It is letting the differences our society is quick to point out go to the wayside and choosing to listen.  Love is not judgmental.  Love is kind. Love is a connector not a divider.  Love is universal- across languages – across cultures.  It is choosing to look at another person and understand that we are all flawed and all in need of being known and understood.

It is letting the differences our society is quick to point out go to the wayside and choosing to listen.

So in the darkest of days – in the deepest of hurts, love is worth it.  Do not fear to love or love again. Fight to love. Fight the lie of fear.  Choose to have thick skin and a soft heart.  Fight to see the good around you and in all circumstances.  I can promise that even in the fear and the heart shattering moments- love is always worth it.  Love seeks nothing in return-it is selfless- it is a choice – it is an action to put another person or people first – ahead of your gain- ahead of your needs.  There is power in love.

Choose to continue to love.  Choose to let love in.  You are worthy of love- let it transform you.  Let other people love you.  Let yourself love others.